LEARNING TO CREATE BOUNDARIES
Most of what I’ve learned has come from Brené Brown and her thoughts on having the courage to draw a line in the sand and say “No” – even when we know it will disappoint others. To place value on our own needs and health for a change.
My boundaries are defined by:
- What I’m responsible for
- What I’m NOT responsible for
WHAT I’M RESPONSIBLE FOR
MY HAPPINESS
The idea that my happiness depended entirely on me was a huge concept to wrap my head around – releasing other people and their choices from the equation of what “makes me happy” is really hard for me, but so important if I want to find a centred contentment that isn’t buffeted by the whims of others.
SAYING NO
When I was younger any “people pleaser” in me felt me compelled to say “Yes” to everyone’s request – to find the extra time, to make the sacrifice, to do things that aren’t convenient or appealing. But the more confident “Me” in mature years has learnt me to say “NO” if I need the space and it is an imposition. Finding the balance between not being selfish, and looking after myself is the line I’m juggling at present.
MY CHOICES
I choose who I surround myself with and it’s liberating to have the courage to choose what’s best for me over what looks right to others.
MY REACTIONS
Good and bad things happen to everyone, how I react to the good and bad in my life is up to me. I can make a point of focusing on gratitude and how my glass is full then I can view my situation in a completely different light. It all boils down to how I react to the situation I’m in – and looking for the positives is the first step.
WHAT I’M NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR
FIXING EVERYONE
This is a big one for me, I want everyone to be happy, I want misunderstandings fixed, I want broken relationships fixed, I want emotionally messed up people to be fixed, I want things to be simple and “good”. But, it’s not up to me to fix everyone – It’s not my job to fix everyone and everything
EVERYONE AGREEING WITH ME
The world is full of shades of grey – and it gets greyer as I get older! Everyone interprets things based on their own back story and even black and white can differ from person to person. I must accept that often people will disagree with my point of view – and that’s okay.
EVERYONE APPROVING OF ME
I’m a good person and that I have values. But I can’t control how others perceive me. Once again, it comes back to their own world view, their own history, their own split-second judgement of me. I can only be myself, authentically true to my own beliefs and values and leave the approval in the hands of others – scary but liberating too.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
Have you figured out the concept of boundaries? Are you able to separate what’s your responsibility out from the mix? Are you free from worrying about the opinions of others?