I am very used to having people around me so being by myself becomes strange, quiet, empty and this feeling of emptiness can be isolating…
I know it’s fashionable to say that it’s wonderful to be cool with being alone and I do write about the benefits of solitude, but for many people, it’s a depressing thing. I have many clients in retirement who do not eat well, have no focus or clarity on their roadmap forward, and find it difficult to move out of their 4 walls at their home.
I’ve been exploring this feeling of loneliness, and I recommend that exploration for others who feel alone sometimes (or much of the time). It’s enlightening.
We run from the feeling of loneliness and try to fill the emptiness with comfort, and that’s a very human thing to do. We want comfort, and we don’t want to confront the distressing feelings we might have.
But try turning toward these bad feelings. There’s a lot to be learned there. Opening yourself up to the feeling of loneliness, allowing yourself to really feel it and see it … this is where growth can happen. This is where you can learn about yourself, and what it’s like to feel pain, and how to cope with it.
For a short time turn inward and feel the pain. Where is it in your body? What kind of sensation is it? What is the quality of this sensation, the intensity of it, and does it change? Be curious about it and then you will find that it isn’t as bad as you think, once you allow yourself to look at it.
When you turn inward and see what else is there:- are you not desperate to join in, are you not curious to see what is “out there?”,. Do you have a desire to be a good person, a better person; talk to yourself with kindness and as if you were talking to someone that you love and not criticising yourself.
See everything that’s there……………… REALLY look.
And what you can begin to see is contentment and inner peace. .
This cannot be seen when we are with others and our lives are filled with busy-ness and noise and distraction. This can only be seen when we are alone, and there is space to notice, space and time to think and we allow ourselves to look.
Learn to truly love and appreciate yourself then you can be OK with being alone. And be much more content with these tools either alone or with others.
Once you find this, then make the effort to find people in a pilates, walking club or a yoga class and be interested in them. Because if you make the effort and change your mind-set you will learn to both mix with positive people and re-frame any negative action in your life and turn them into positives.- if you allow yourself to do so.